Friendship, Expired

Do you have a friendship that’s requiring too much effort? Making you feel drained? Are you ready to stop compromising so much of yourself? Read on for the 5 telltale signs that it’s time to throw in the towel.

The older I get, the less friends I have. This is by choice, y’all. Time is a precious thing, and the time I carve out for being with friends requires the highest quality of friendship. Remember back when you were young, and your worth was defined by the number of friends you had? I’m seeking the exact opposite. Quality over quantity, my friends. Trust me, less is more.

How do you know when it’s time to call it quits on a friendship?

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You are in different phases of life.

Imagine this: Your high school friend is getting married right at the same time you are expecting your first child. She’s picturing you in a beautiful red bridesmaid dress, standing beside her, welling up with tears of joy. You, meanwhile, are dreading your 9th dress alteration as your belly and breasts are growing & morphing at a record rate while your sleep is rapidly declining.

Do each other a favor and take a break. Pause. Mutually acknowledge your different phases of life, and move on in your respective directions. If your friendship is actually a true one, you can wish each other well and possibly pick back up later in life.

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Your needs aren’t being met.

As the song says, breakin’ up is hard to do. But there truly is no sense in hanging on to any relationship, romantic or otherwise, that simply isn’t meeting your needs. Friends should provide you with two great feelings; love and belonging. If you spend time with someone who makes you feel unloved or you feel that you don’t “belong” together (trust your gut, you’ll know) it’s time to say Adios, Senorita.

It’s unhealthy for you.

As life goes on, we change. We aren’t the same people we were in our 30’s and 40’s as we were in our teens and 20’s. Different choices are made. People marry. Divorce. Sacrifices are made. Parents die. Babies are had. Someone needs rehab. Babies aren’t had. Families move. Along the way, we depend on friends to help us through and provide a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes advice is given. Sometimes it’s taken, sometimes not. Ultimately, true friends support you through battles in life, and support your decision making. (and damn, some of them are HARD). If you’re not being supported (and equally, they don’t feel it necessary to support you) , cry on someone else’s shoulder.

Lack of loyalty.

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In my opinion, there is nothing worse than a fair weathered friend. It’s embarrassing as an adult, to realize that these types of people still exist. Honestly, if you have a friend that doesn’t honor his/her word, or value you or your time, kick ‘em to the curb. Who has time for that shit? Not this girl!

They’re just not doing it for you.

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I’m sure we all that one friend we’ve known our entire life; that you may even consider family. Lets consider if you’re still in this relationship because of the longevity of friendship? Or do you actually have things in common? Does this person bore you to tears? Drain you of your energy? Make bad choices you don’t want to be associated with? This one has been the trickiest for me, as I tend to be loyal to a fault. However, I have been able to gracefully distance myself from these individuals, as they just don’t do it for me! Well wishes, smiles, holiday cards, all fine. And I have a hunch that if they weren’t doing it for me, I probably wasn’t doing it for them either!

Let’s do ourselves a favor and reserve our time for people we thoroughly enjoy!

Natalie Scheider